The Blame Game

For some reason I am continually irritated by people in the public and in my personal life who indulge in finding out whom to blame and making sure that everyone knows their identity. I have learned that my irritation is an indicator that the trouble is mine. So I am looking for someone to take the blame. And the only reason I need someone to take the blame is to avoid responsibility myself. If I can blame you or Sister Mary Holy Water from the 3rd grade or my ex-wife, then I am off the hook. I don't need to change or look for an alternative which might be helpful.

What I've been trying to do here for the past couple of weeks is get my thinking down so I can get a clearer look at it. Maybe others will share their thoughts and experiences and help me learn how to see the issue more clearly. I had scheduled this entry for Monday but for some reason couldn't decide what to write about. This is not for shortage of opinions, which those of you who know me will identify. It was just that nothing was actually calling my name. So I check my New Youk Times email today and the top 5 stories of the week and here it is. The very issue that has had me talking to client after client. And, as usual, they are presenting me the very things that are bugging me.

How do I get a better world to live in and a better life to live in it without doing anything difficult or uncomfortable?

Wrong question. Not because it wouldn't be great for that to be the way. It's the wrong question because there is the answer to that is what some of you may remember from the "New Math". It's the null set, the empty void that collection of things which do not exist.

Paul Krugman, columnist from the Times has some thoughtful commentary from his column of Sunday, which I just got around to reading today, which really makes the point well for me. Check it out here http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/09/opinion/09krugman.html?_r=1&WT.mc_id=NYT-E-I-NYT-E-AT-0511-L19

So what have I learned?

The answers to my dilemmas is always to do four things. First, listen to someone share their life experiences. When I do that I get to learn what kind of thing works and doesn't work. The second is to get in touch with my feelings about the issue. Am I mad, glad, sad or afraid about what's in from of me. Third is to identify that I am correct in my thinking about the past (recent) and that I know where I am stuck. I am also clear that I can create a set of tactics with the information available if I am willing to think in light of the evidence present.

Finally and most importantly for me is that I can't get anywhere if I believe that I must figure this out for myself. I need to engage and have conversations with other people who can challenge my thinking and the beliefs behind that. This is the service I provide to others as a coach. It is the raison d'etre for the existence of Paeon Partners. And it is the lesson I most need to learn.

I look forward to your comments and I'll be back next week.