Ever notice that the Declaration Of Independence cites the importance of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness as fundamental to us as Americans, but the Constitution cites Life, Liberty and Property.
I suppose the idea of happiness doesn't lend itself to legislation, but property is rather important. Actually, I'll bet most Brits in the 18th Century didn't and couldn't own property. But I spoke enough about History this week already. I'm interested in today, today.
For some time I've been known to say that everything I owns also owns me. If I own a house or a car or even a house plant, the owned requires care and maintenance. Without those two things instead of an object of appreciation I have an object of deterioration and potentially, shame.
I've probably been talking about this for several years, and I've made some strides toward ridding myself of excess baggage. I no longer own my residence and that's a choice I'm happy with. I gave up my car, and as important as those things were to me at one time, being without them is surprisingly easy.
When I moved to my present apartment about 3 years ago I knew one thing for sure. I didn't even want a house plant. The light isn't that great for plants, but the real reason is I don't want to take care of one. Or several.
Is this because I'm lazy and don't want to do anything? Apparently not because I seem to be doing stuff all day long. And even late into the night. So one might ask what all this amazing free time that doesn't get taken up with watering and feeding and repotting and cleaning up and, and and?
In my case it's been the winter of my discontent to quote Mr. Steinbeck. Business is okay but kind of slow. I realized my routine was no longer serving me. I quit my suport group, not because I don't want one, but I realized the one I created in order to get what I wanted wasn't giving what I was looking for. I'm not dating anyone and there isn't anyone on the horizon. The CDs, books and old clothes are leaving and will be gone in a few days.
I'm becoming unowned. I'm looking forward to it, but of course I'm impatient.
What's new?
It's not boring, I can tell you that. And I feel lots lighter.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
GITTIN' 'ER DUN!
As most of you know, it doesn't take a whole lot to get me irritated. And if you read yesterday you know I want to comment on stuff I saw in the paper on Sunday. One of my largest irritations is the way business relationships are managed. As a disclaimer I am probably writing about this because it's safer than writing about personal relationships. But I can acknowledge that whatever dysfunction exists at work also happens at home.
I have no direct experience with any of the people involved in what I read so all I'm writing about is what I read and how it affected me. No quotes or attributions, just my responses and of course my judgements about how this is universal bad acting on the part of everyone in business.
Okay, no more disclaimers. I have been in work relationships in which theoretical agreements are made. That's the kind of agreement the boss offers and asks words to the effect of, What do you think? As though I have options. Other than relinquishing expectation of receiving my next paycheck.
One of the guys I read about said his organization has goals everyone has agreed with and the results are published to the entire company every month. The way my mind works, the negotiations about goals included a set of guidelines (with numbers) from the top. This is followed by an expectation that group and individual goals would fill in the blanks to make those numbers happen. Gitti' 'er dun! And then he goes on to say the organization is driven by metrics that are rated on a scale of 1 to 5. One of which is Gittin' 'er dun! He's even proud about expecting that at the interview level, and continues through everything they think about.
I don't know about you, but I have a history of not getting things finished that I was dedicated to finishing. And, yes, the first reason is that I just put it off for some reason, good or bad in my eyes. And I suspect everyone does or has doen that in their lives. Here's where the rubber meets the road for me. Since this is such an overwhelmingly common occurrence. making it a metric is guaranteed to be deadly. It's going to assure that people will hit the mark, but not necessarily meet the real expectations.
I did it, but is is any good? Or as good as it should have been? Am I and my team proud of this? Have we re-negotiated the outcome as we proceeded? Have we stewarded our process or have we filled in the blanks.
Management is all about efficiency, so they love to check off, Got 'er dun. But how often do we need to do it over? Or have an unhappy customer.?
Tomorrow about moving up the ladder and being human at the same time.
I have no direct experience with any of the people involved in what I read so all I'm writing about is what I read and how it affected me. No quotes or attributions, just my responses and of course my judgements about how this is universal bad acting on the part of everyone in business.
Okay, no more disclaimers. I have been in work relationships in which theoretical agreements are made. That's the kind of agreement the boss offers and asks words to the effect of, What do you think? As though I have options. Other than relinquishing expectation of receiving my next paycheck.
One of the guys I read about said his organization has goals everyone has agreed with and the results are published to the entire company every month. The way my mind works, the negotiations about goals included a set of guidelines (with numbers) from the top. This is followed by an expectation that group and individual goals would fill in the blanks to make those numbers happen. Gitti' 'er dun! And then he goes on to say the organization is driven by metrics that are rated on a scale of 1 to 5. One of which is Gittin' 'er dun! He's even proud about expecting that at the interview level, and continues through everything they think about.
I don't know about you, but I have a history of not getting things finished that I was dedicated to finishing. And, yes, the first reason is that I just put it off for some reason, good or bad in my eyes. And I suspect everyone does or has doen that in their lives. Here's where the rubber meets the road for me. Since this is such an overwhelmingly common occurrence. making it a metric is guaranteed to be deadly. It's going to assure that people will hit the mark, but not necessarily meet the real expectations.
I did it, but is is any good? Or as good as it should have been? Am I and my team proud of this? Have we re-negotiated the outcome as we proceeded? Have we stewarded our process or have we filled in the blanks.
Management is all about efficiency, so they love to check off, Got 'er dun. But how often do we need to do it over? Or have an unhappy customer.?
Tomorrow about moving up the ladder and being human at the same time.
Monday, March 11, 2013
HISTORY
Anyone who has a memory of certain teachers has had the opportunity to find how those people have changed over time. I had a teacher of American History in my junior year. He had a nickname handed down from classes that preceded mine of Bobby D, teenage idol. He was a priest and we were seminarians, theoretically on our way to becoming one like him, and we were thrown together to see what would happen.
He was a priest, but also a human. That was a difficult concept back in those pre-Vatican II days. The world was different then, and I don't mean better or worse, just different. He was a guy who was in love with American History, especially the Civil War, but few of us really gave much of a dam one way or the other. We just wanted to get it over with. And he was quirky a kind of way most of us are, but in a way that drew the attention of teen age boys. So, many of us had fun at his expense, but behind his back. I don't recall any issues raised in class, but the lunch room was another story.
All this is to say I got a life lesson from him that serves me to this day, and hoodaeverthunk? He assigned us the task of bringing the Tribune Book Section from the Sunday paper in every Monday. And during that class period, the Revolution or War of 1812 or the discoveries of Lewis & Clark were set aside for the purpose of helping us discover what it might be like to live the life of a reader. Because we are all interested in something, not just the Civil War, he knew we could expand and enrich our lives by reading and discovering all the things we weren't learning in school. And at the same time we would be entertained. What a concept! What teaching! A man who thought beyond the curriculum, not in rebellion but in service to the point of the curriculum. After all, we have gone on to write 50 years of history since then, and my appreciation of it has grown significantly. But I remember today that lesson, which continues to be part of my life today all these years later. And I'm grateful.
When this occurred to me yesterday, as I was jolted or nudged by what I read in the paper I started to think about writing this and I remembered him. And I wasn't going to mention him, but as I write it I've been thinking he deserves the recognition. So I googled him. And I discovered he passed away in November at the age of 85, after having served his God and his parishioners after his teaching career ended. After all his calling wasn't to the classroom but to the Flock. He wasn't attached to any of the Church scandals and seems to have been a well respected man. There was a comment from another former student who obviously came after me and thought this was one of his favorite teachers. That comment calls me to remember many of my teachers and be grateful for them all, the good and the bad and the middling. At this point I can see how I learned from them. Different things from each to be sure and much more than was contained in the texts.
Today I can be grateful to them all and say, thank you. Your challenges and sacrifices are things I have deep appreciation for today. And in recognition of them all, Reverend Robert Dovick, Bless you and your life.
I hope to see you tomorrow on the topic of what I was jolted by yesterday.
He was a priest, but also a human. That was a difficult concept back in those pre-Vatican II days. The world was different then, and I don't mean better or worse, just different. He was a guy who was in love with American History, especially the Civil War, but few of us really gave much of a dam one way or the other. We just wanted to get it over with. And he was quirky a kind of way most of us are, but in a way that drew the attention of teen age boys. So, many of us had fun at his expense, but behind his back. I don't recall any issues raised in class, but the lunch room was another story.
All this is to say I got a life lesson from him that serves me to this day, and hoodaeverthunk? He assigned us the task of bringing the Tribune Book Section from the Sunday paper in every Monday. And during that class period, the Revolution or War of 1812 or the discoveries of Lewis & Clark were set aside for the purpose of helping us discover what it might be like to live the life of a reader. Because we are all interested in something, not just the Civil War, he knew we could expand and enrich our lives by reading and discovering all the things we weren't learning in school. And at the same time we would be entertained. What a concept! What teaching! A man who thought beyond the curriculum, not in rebellion but in service to the point of the curriculum. After all, we have gone on to write 50 years of history since then, and my appreciation of it has grown significantly. But I remember today that lesson, which continues to be part of my life today all these years later. And I'm grateful.
When this occurred to me yesterday, as I was jolted or nudged by what I read in the paper I started to think about writing this and I remembered him. And I wasn't going to mention him, but as I write it I've been thinking he deserves the recognition. So I googled him. And I discovered he passed away in November at the age of 85, after having served his God and his parishioners after his teaching career ended. After all his calling wasn't to the classroom but to the Flock. He wasn't attached to any of the Church scandals and seems to have been a well respected man. There was a comment from another former student who obviously came after me and thought this was one of his favorite teachers. That comment calls me to remember many of my teachers and be grateful for them all, the good and the bad and the middling. At this point I can see how I learned from them. Different things from each to be sure and much more than was contained in the texts.
Today I can be grateful to them all and say, thank you. Your challenges and sacrifices are things I have deep appreciation for today. And in recognition of them all, Reverend Robert Dovick, Bless you and your life.
I hope to see you tomorrow on the topic of what I was jolted by yesterday.
Monday, February 18, 2013
ONE MORE SHOPPING DAY
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, there is only one more shopping day until the CREATIVE SELFISHNESS workshop happens. You know, the one hosted by that imaginative partnership EBB, Ellen, Bill & Bill. If you haven't heard yet, please refer to the previous post here to get more details.
You might ask yourself why should I get up at or before the crack of dawn, make myself at least half way presentable, and show up at 7:30, yes AM?
Even though you didn't, I am going to pretend and say I'm glad you asked. Some would say February is not the cruelest month, but I disagree. If we were actually having winter this year we would be wondering if it would ever be over. But we're Chicagoans and we know we'll pay for the pass we've gotten so far and we'll be sorry. We're expert and knowing and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Mardi Gras is over and unless you're one of those who relish the season of denial called Lent, the only thing to look forward to this month is more places offering pepper and egg sandwiches. If only more of them did it better.
But I digress.
On top of all that, V-Day was just last week, and who doesn't need some respite after that. That's the holiday during which it is almost impossible to win. Whatever your hopes and dreams of that event are, what are the chances of being hooked up with someone who sees it the same way as you? It's either much bigger or much smaller than yours. And how many of us can actually tell ourselves, let alone out partners, how we actually feel about it?
On the heels of this and the expectation of endless dreary days of the waning winter, we of EBB offer you the chance to see how to make the 364 1/4 other days of the year filled with much more of what you want, need, deserve, have earned and needed. And without compromising the hopes and dreams of your loved ones.
If you're just a little curious about what that might look like, come and see us in the morning.
You'll be glad you did.
You might ask yourself why should I get up at or before the crack of dawn, make myself at least half way presentable, and show up at 7:30, yes AM?
Even though you didn't, I am going to pretend and say I'm glad you asked. Some would say February is not the cruelest month, but I disagree. If we were actually having winter this year we would be wondering if it would ever be over. But we're Chicagoans and we know we'll pay for the pass we've gotten so far and we'll be sorry. We're expert and knowing and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Mardi Gras is over and unless you're one of those who relish the season of denial called Lent, the only thing to look forward to this month is more places offering pepper and egg sandwiches. If only more of them did it better.
But I digress.
On top of all that, V-Day was just last week, and who doesn't need some respite after that. That's the holiday during which it is almost impossible to win. Whatever your hopes and dreams of that event are, what are the chances of being hooked up with someone who sees it the same way as you? It's either much bigger or much smaller than yours. And how many of us can actually tell ourselves, let alone out partners, how we actually feel about it?
On the heels of this and the expectation of endless dreary days of the waning winter, we of EBB offer you the chance to see how to make the 364 1/4 other days of the year filled with much more of what you want, need, deserve, have earned and needed. And without compromising the hopes and dreams of your loved ones.
If you're just a little curious about what that might look like, come and see us in the morning.
You'll be glad you did.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
CREATIVE SELFISHNESS
Welcome to the Paeon blog, where we talk about big stuff. Today it's about a frequent topic in the world of 21st Century Americans: Getting Stuff Done. Or gettin' er dun. or some other version you may prefer.
Of course this is about the judgement that life will be better when all the shit on my do do list is scratched off and I can catch a breather. Truth is, the person making that list is YOU. The truth is, you have a reason for making that list the way you do and you might be unaware or merely clueless about what is driving you there.
Enter We Three Coaches. We call ourselves EBB because we too are added to whatever that's called when an abbreviation is made out of the...you know what I mean.
We have a 90 minute workshop coming up this next Tuesday, February 19th. We know you need to get stuff done and get to work and ll that so we scheduled it for 7:30AM. And we'll have you out at 9:00AM so you can go about practicing what you'll find out about yourself. And it'll be fun. Promise. That's because EBB doesn't take themselves too seriously. THe work we do it too important to weigh it down will sad faced and dour expressions. We have lives too and if we're down, it gets in our way.
Been there. Done that. Tired of it. Doing different!
Come for the fun and take away the lighter load you may be better able to carry. Have a laugh, maybe some coffee, maybe meet new people. Who knows?
One thing is for sure. You will walk away changed in some way. Not entirely, but in some way. We hope to see you there. Where? Here's the link.
http://www.eventbrite.com/event/5291823988/?ref=enivtefor001&utm_source=eb_email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=inviteformalv2&utm_term=attend&ref=enivtefor001#
Sign up now. You won't be sorry.
E-Ellen Burton
B-Bill Campbell
B-Bill Flynn
Of course this is about the judgement that life will be better when all the shit on my do do list is scratched off and I can catch a breather. Truth is, the person making that list is YOU. The truth is, you have a reason for making that list the way you do and you might be unaware or merely clueless about what is driving you there.
Enter We Three Coaches. We call ourselves EBB because we too are added to whatever that's called when an abbreviation is made out of the...you know what I mean.
We have a 90 minute workshop coming up this next Tuesday, February 19th. We know you need to get stuff done and get to work and ll that so we scheduled it for 7:30AM. And we'll have you out at 9:00AM so you can go about practicing what you'll find out about yourself. And it'll be fun. Promise. That's because EBB doesn't take themselves too seriously. THe work we do it too important to weigh it down will sad faced and dour expressions. We have lives too and if we're down, it gets in our way.
Been there. Done that. Tired of it. Doing different!
Come for the fun and take away the lighter load you may be better able to carry. Have a laugh, maybe some coffee, maybe meet new people. Who knows?
One thing is for sure. You will walk away changed in some way. Not entirely, but in some way. We hope to see you there. Where? Here's the link.
http://www.eventbrite.com/event/5291823988/?ref=enivtefor001&utm_source=eb_email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=inviteformalv2&utm_term=attend&ref=enivtefor001#
Sign up now. You won't be sorry.
E-Ellen Burton
B-Bill Campbell
B-Bill Flynn
Saturday, December 15, 2012
What now?
Oh, the suffering, the hand wringing the blaming. The outrage. The despair.
It's happened again; mass murder by someone who seems to fit better as a victim than a perpetrator.
How do we stop this? Can't we put an end to violence? It's these guns and these video games and bullying and the government needs to do something about it.
Perhaps there is another consideration. What if government it doing what we want them to do about it? After all, we are the government. It seems to me that as long as it's the problem of the we, then the I is helpless. After all, i'm only one person.
But what if the problem can only be solved by I action. That may be right or it may be wrong, but if the 60's gad any lesson for us at all, it might have been that people cannot trust the community to conform to our standards, that individually we have to assert what i believe in order to help others see the light.
That means that after I write my congressman, if I'm in the right kind of state or district where my rep doesn't agree with me already, then I need to go the next step. Government is deadlocked. We made it that way because we don't trust them to actually do the right thing. So I'm sorry to say, ,the next step is individual action.
My truth is that as a human I am continually experiencing what are referred to as negative emotions. They are usually represented this way because they make me feel bad, and I want to feel god. Isn't that what life is all about?
So the automatic reaction to something that makes me feel bad is to ignore it. So if I'm sad I do something that makes me feel happy, and if I'm mad I try to do something nice and if I'm afraid I pretend there's nothing to be afraid of. So I have a drink or play video games or have pointless, endless conversation with my friends about how to solve the problem, come to no solution I can do anything about, give up, go home and wonder why I can't sleep.
It's time to realize that technology has dealt us a mixed hand. Before machines and electricity we worked from dawn til dusk. Then we stopped long enough to eat, then collapsed into a hard earned sleep. Yes, that a huge over simplification. No apology.
Now I have considerable more time to think and feel that I had back then. I also have access to more information than ever---and lots of that information freaks me out. Or in plain English terrifies me. Further, I have no idea what to do with these feelings.
I'm beginning to get some clues, after all, the President can cry in public. That means if you're one of those lily-livered liberals you can cry and own your grief about an event you wish didn't happen. Or if your a so-called conservative you can claim outrage that anyone would want to do something about compromising this killers rights to own an automatic weapon, or have his mental illness be treated by the socialist state. Both of these are admission of powerlessness. Both of these require something to follow.
The lesson I take from this is that I need to own my feelings before I kill someone. Or before I bite the head off a co-worker because the bank issued a surcharge on my account that they said they wouldn't. Or my neighbor didn't clean up the mess on his fron lawn. Again. Powerless. Impotent. Vulnerable. Afraid. And someone has to pay.
How can I learn what to do?
I don't know what you should do, but I know what I have done and continue to do. I meet on a regular basis with people who are looking for the same thing I am looking for. How do I deal with these feelings with something other than outrage and denial.
This has been more than long enough. If you want to read more about this, come back tomorrow.
I cannot change the past, but I will contribue to the future, like it or not. What will I contribute, and how will I judge that contribution?
See you tomorrow.
Oh, the suffering, the hand wringing the blaming. The outrage. The despair.
It's happened again; mass murder by someone who seems to fit better as a victim than a perpetrator.
How do we stop this? Can't we put an end to violence? It's these guns and these video games and bullying and the government needs to do something about it.
Perhaps there is another consideration. What if government it doing what we want them to do about it? After all, we are the government. It seems to me that as long as it's the problem of the we, then the I is helpless. After all, i'm only one person.
But what if the problem can only be solved by I action. That may be right or it may be wrong, but if the 60's gad any lesson for us at all, it might have been that people cannot trust the community to conform to our standards, that individually we have to assert what i believe in order to help others see the light.
That means that after I write my congressman, if I'm in the right kind of state or district where my rep doesn't agree with me already, then I need to go the next step. Government is deadlocked. We made it that way because we don't trust them to actually do the right thing. So I'm sorry to say, ,the next step is individual action.
My truth is that as a human I am continually experiencing what are referred to as negative emotions. They are usually represented this way because they make me feel bad, and I want to feel god. Isn't that what life is all about?
So the automatic reaction to something that makes me feel bad is to ignore it. So if I'm sad I do something that makes me feel happy, and if I'm mad I try to do something nice and if I'm afraid I pretend there's nothing to be afraid of. So I have a drink or play video games or have pointless, endless conversation with my friends about how to solve the problem, come to no solution I can do anything about, give up, go home and wonder why I can't sleep.
It's time to realize that technology has dealt us a mixed hand. Before machines and electricity we worked from dawn til dusk. Then we stopped long enough to eat, then collapsed into a hard earned sleep. Yes, that a huge over simplification. No apology.
Now I have considerable more time to think and feel that I had back then. I also have access to more information than ever---and lots of that information freaks me out. Or in plain English terrifies me. Further, I have no idea what to do with these feelings.
I'm beginning to get some clues, after all, the President can cry in public. That means if you're one of those lily-livered liberals you can cry and own your grief about an event you wish didn't happen. Or if your a so-called conservative you can claim outrage that anyone would want to do something about compromising this killers rights to own an automatic weapon, or have his mental illness be treated by the socialist state. Both of these are admission of powerlessness. Both of these require something to follow.
The lesson I take from this is that I need to own my feelings before I kill someone. Or before I bite the head off a co-worker because the bank issued a surcharge on my account that they said they wouldn't. Or my neighbor didn't clean up the mess on his fron lawn. Again. Powerless. Impotent. Vulnerable. Afraid. And someone has to pay.
How can I learn what to do?
I don't know what you should do, but I know what I have done and continue to do. I meet on a regular basis with people who are looking for the same thing I am looking for. How do I deal with these feelings with something other than outrage and denial.
This has been more than long enough. If you want to read more about this, come back tomorrow.
I cannot change the past, but I will contribue to the future, like it or not. What will I contribute, and how will I judge that contribution?
See you tomorrow.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Narcissism, the Mirror thing again
I'm an "Old Guy" officially a Senior Citizen and a man of infinite opinion. That's as introduction to what's coming…a diatribe on what's wrong with America today. Let's harken back to those thrilling days of yesteryear when cowboys on white horses with white hats and teeth that sparkled rode in to solve all our problems. Usually to rescue the fair maiden.
Okay that's old movies and TV. It never was like that, but the fantasy attached to it lingers in our consciousness. It seems that I have this belief that I can find the answer to all I struggle with by getting the right answer. I am confusing entertainment with life. And it has taken me a long time to figure that out. Now we don't have that old hero model so much in front of us anymore, but we have one that seems to have replaced it. People in my age group and a little after grew up in this "Leave It To Beaver" world and we knew it wasn't our experience. I though it was the other kids who had those lives, but I have lived long enough to find out that isn't true. But it has been replaced with another. It's called New Age. The basis of this is "The Power Of Positive Thinking" which basically states that if I focus on the positive around me I will achieve positive results.
While this makes a certain amount of sense it fails by not including anyone else in my world, let alone that bigger world outside my direct contact. But of course there's no need to consider their thoughts or feelings because, after all I am just going for the positive. And that's good. Right? And as long as I remain positive and move in a positive direction for positive things then everyone will be happy. Right? And isn't that everyone's goal?
When I was younger I thought that everyone I liked believed and thought the same way I did. Well maybe they thought the same way, but they came up with surprisingly different conclusions than I did. This can mess with a young boy;s mind. Even a not so young boy. Everyone is subject to over generalization. Even me in this piece. But I know this about myself and I am constantly looking for and engaging with people of different approaches to situations than mine.
I know this doesn't make me a saint or anything like it. I hope what it does for me is keep me curious and teachable. It seems to me that so many of us have lots of education under our belts and think we know things that perhaps we don't. As I described above, we tend to think we know how others think or what's best for them. But the truth of that thinking is that it is just a defense against being found out.I don't want anyone to think I don't know. I have done this. And when I do, I have discovered I am a narcissist. I seem to have lots of company. Lots of people seem to have this behavior. As a professional coach I run into this all the time. People have a hard time seeing outside of themselves. This isn't some horrible dysfunction requiring institutionalization or anything like that. But it does require getting into it with other people. And ideally not just the people we are most intimate with. Our attitude about them is part of the problem. I want them to think I am the greatest. I want to be the man they want me to be. The trouble is I think that means perfect. If I'm actually perfect, how will they ever be able to be less than perfect with me. Which is what they know they are.
Hard as it is, I am ever on the lookout for the person in the mirror. When he looks too bright and shiny, I know the Narcissist is back and it's time for a reality check.
Okay that's old movies and TV. It never was like that, but the fantasy attached to it lingers in our consciousness. It seems that I have this belief that I can find the answer to all I struggle with by getting the right answer. I am confusing entertainment with life. And it has taken me a long time to figure that out. Now we don't have that old hero model so much in front of us anymore, but we have one that seems to have replaced it. People in my age group and a little after grew up in this "Leave It To Beaver" world and we knew it wasn't our experience. I though it was the other kids who had those lives, but I have lived long enough to find out that isn't true. But it has been replaced with another. It's called New Age. The basis of this is "The Power Of Positive Thinking" which basically states that if I focus on the positive around me I will achieve positive results.
While this makes a certain amount of sense it fails by not including anyone else in my world, let alone that bigger world outside my direct contact. But of course there's no need to consider their thoughts or feelings because, after all I am just going for the positive. And that's good. Right? And as long as I remain positive and move in a positive direction for positive things then everyone will be happy. Right? And isn't that everyone's goal?
When I was younger I thought that everyone I liked believed and thought the same way I did. Well maybe they thought the same way, but they came up with surprisingly different conclusions than I did. This can mess with a young boy;s mind. Even a not so young boy. Everyone is subject to over generalization. Even me in this piece. But I know this about myself and I am constantly looking for and engaging with people of different approaches to situations than mine.
I know this doesn't make me a saint or anything like it. I hope what it does for me is keep me curious and teachable. It seems to me that so many of us have lots of education under our belts and think we know things that perhaps we don't. As I described above, we tend to think we know how others think or what's best for them. But the truth of that thinking is that it is just a defense against being found out.I don't want anyone to think I don't know. I have done this. And when I do, I have discovered I am a narcissist. I seem to have lots of company. Lots of people seem to have this behavior. As a professional coach I run into this all the time. People have a hard time seeing outside of themselves. This isn't some horrible dysfunction requiring institutionalization or anything like that. But it does require getting into it with other people. And ideally not just the people we are most intimate with. Our attitude about them is part of the problem. I want them to think I am the greatest. I want to be the man they want me to be. The trouble is I think that means perfect. If I'm actually perfect, how will they ever be able to be less than perfect with me. Which is what they know they are.
Hard as it is, I am ever on the lookout for the person in the mirror. When he looks too bright and shiny, I know the Narcissist is back and it's time for a reality check.
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