Narcissism, the Mirror thing again

I'm an "Old Guy" officially a Senior Citizen and a man of infinite opinion. That's as introduction to what's coming…a diatribe on what's wrong with America today. Let's harken back to those thrilling days of yesteryear when cowboys on white horses with white hats and teeth that sparkled rode in to solve all our problems. Usually to rescue the fair maiden.

Okay that's old movies and TV. It never was like that, but the fantasy attached to it lingers in our consciousness. It seems that I have this belief that I can find the answer to all I struggle with by getting the right answer. I am confusing entertainment with life. And it has taken me a long time to figure that out. Now we don't have that old hero model so much in front of us anymore, but we have one that seems to have replaced it. People in my age group and a little after grew up in this "Leave It To Beaver" world and we knew it wasn't our experience. I though it was the other kids who had those lives, but I have lived long enough to find out that isn't true. But it has been replaced with another. It's called New Age. The basis of this is "The Power Of Positive Thinking" which basically states that if I focus on the positive around me I will achieve positive results.

While this makes a certain amount of sense it fails by not including anyone else in my world, let alone that bigger world outside my direct contact. But of course there's no need to consider their thoughts or feelings because, after all I am just going for the positive. And that's good. Right? And as long as I remain positive and move in a positive direction for positive things then everyone will be happy. Right? And isn't that everyone's goal?

When I was younger I thought that everyone I liked believed and thought the same way I did. Well maybe they thought the same way, but they came up with surprisingly different conclusions than I did. This can mess with a young boy;s mind. Even a not so young boy. Everyone is subject to over generalization. Even me in this piece. But I know this about myself and I am constantly looking for and engaging with people of different approaches to situations than mine.

I know this doesn't make me a saint or anything like it. I hope what it does for me is keep me curious and teachable. It seems to me that so many of us have lots of education under our belts and think we know things that perhaps we don't. As I described above, we tend to think we know how others think or what's best for them. But the truth of that thinking is that it is just a defense against being found out.I don't want anyone to think I don't know. I have done this. And when I do, I have discovered I am a narcissist. I seem to have lots of company. Lots of people seem to have this behavior. As a professional coach I run into this all the time. People have a hard time seeing outside of themselves. This isn't some horrible dysfunction requiring institutionalization or anything like that. But it does require getting into it with other people. And ideally not just the people we are most intimate with. Our attitude about them is part of the problem. I want them to think I am the greatest. I want to be the man they want me to be. The trouble is I think that means perfect. If I'm actually perfect, how will they ever be able to be less than perfect with me. Which is what they know they are.

Hard as it is, I am ever on the lookout for the person in the mirror. When he looks too bright and shiny, I know the Narcissist is back and it's time for a reality check.