I

Yes, a powerful ego statement. And one that is frequently misunderstood by me. 

Here's what I mean. The articulation of the word is a specific statement of fact, but I often haven't thought about what it means. Certainly it refers to the being encased by my skin, but beyond that, what are my beliefs and judgments of that? Do I ever identify what that means to me? 

Most of my life I have taken it for granted that I know what it means. I have assumed everyone else knows as well as I do. And while you may recognize the obvious flaw in that statement, it may be truer than it appears. In fact, others may see me much clearer than I see myself. The reason is simple. I'm hiding from myself. I don't want to admit things about myself because it's scary. If I admit there are things I'm unhappy with I'd have to change them.

Or not. Here's the big one for today. I don't trust myself. And of course I don't merely distrust myself for one thing, but for numerous things; all of them just barriers to change. This is where my resistance lives. After the breakthrough from Denial, Resistance comes to my rescue.

This is a step by step process. First i identify I'm stuck. That's been protected by Denial for some, long time. Now if I just didn't trust myself to get unstuck that would be one thing, but I don't trust myself to find out why I'm stuck. I don't trust myself to come up with a plan to change. I don't trust myself to take the action I come up with. I don't trust myself to continue to pursue. I don't trust myself to come up with alternatives if the first try doesn't work. 

I'll bet by now you get the picture. It's becoming clearer to me.

What I think I'm describing is the why and the how it is that I'm out of another I word, Integrity.

Integrity describes the situation in which I am and do what you see. Where there is no difference between my speaking and my appearance.

Few things, if any are more deleterious to my success as a human being.

More soon.